STEP RIGHT UP FOR ENTERTAINMENT REFLUX –
THE FIRST, INAUGURAL AND DEBUT BLURBEE AWARDS
Unless you do your own blodge or interweb site, you’ll possibly be unaware that there is a new kind of spamming pest cruising around computer-land.
These specifically target bloggerists, and aim to achieve whatever it is they’re after by posting supposedly realistic-looking fake “comments” in the hope that you’ll approve them and put them up on your web page.
What separates them from the fake website comments of the past is a degree of what we’re going to call “sophistication” with a careful accompanying note that all things are relative.
The old spam comments said stuff like VIAGRA! PENIS! GIANT! over and over again like the print equivalent of Tourette’s combined with dementia, or were ads for products or other sites, and not thinly-veiled so much as entirely unveiled.
The newer generation of fraudulent comment is a little more subtle, and cumulatively, a lot funnier.
They seem quite laudatory regarding your site until you look a bit closer and realise it’s all generalities that have nothing specific to do with your site, and could be about anybody’s, and/or that some of those generalities don’t even apply to your site. Where specifics are included, they are guaranteed not to have anything to do with anything posted on your site.
Adding that extra charm is that the platitudes seem to be generated by machine rather than human hand, and possibly in a language other than English and then translated by another machine which also perhaps has only a waving familiarity with the English language.
To celebrate this important new development in inhuman communications, we here at Leapster Towers proudly present the first ever Blurbee Awards for machine-generated fraudulent hyperbole.
These were all actual fake “comments” received (and almost immediately deleted) at this blodge-site. I think I changed one piece of punctuation in one of them with a view towards reader comprehension and the English language. Otherwise, they’re intact.
THE STYMIED-BY-THE-DETAIL BLURBEE
“The article was compelling. I was actually enthralled almost everywhere in it, you also really did touch a few spots with regards to arrived at weight loss. I are almost always struggling for too long by using it can take immense have given me hope.”
(The lack of any content on the Web-O-Leaps site relating to weight loss was something of a giveaway on this one. However the Dali meets the Three Stooges approach to grammar and syntax especially in the last sentence and the spot-touching provided rich compensation.)
THE SOME-ASSEMBLY-REQUIRED BLURBEE
“Outstanding story there. What happened after? Thanks!”
THE “CAESAR PRAISED, BURIED” BLURBEE
“Peculiar article, just what I needed.”
THE WHAT’S-THAT-WORD-AGAIN BLURBEE
“This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Thanks!”
(We’ll have to send a deputation to Alanis Morissette to determine whether someone struggling to remember the exact word needed is ironic when that word turns out to be ‘relevant’.)
THE “WE’RE ALL GOING FOR ICE-CREAM” BLURBEE
“We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your website offered us with valuable info to work on. You have done an impressive job and our whole community will be thankful to you.”
(I’m having trouble conceiving of how any community could benefit from the stuff on this website. I’m having more difficulty imagining someone opening a scheme. Maybe it was a canned scheme.)
THE FREDDIE “BOOM BOOM” WASHINGTON MEMORIAL BLURBEE
“Hi there, You have done an excellent job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I’m sure they will be benefited from this site.””
(Suggest what to your friends?)
THE WINNER OF THE FIRST INAUGURAL DEBUT GOLDEN BLURBEE
“It’s like you learn my mind! You appear to know so much approximately this, like you wrote the e-book in it or something. I think that you simply could do with some p.c. to force the message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog.
A great read. I will certainly be back.”
(You can kind of imagine this in a Schwarzenegger accent. Hey, it’s the Praisenator.)