Fits and Starts #1

Media-dom’s leading column of random thoughts. Since 2013.

*  Bad luck for young Wade injured before the Third Test, while playing basketball during a day off. Timely reminder that cricketers should always refrain from any athletic activity.

*  Original Star Wars actors reportedly set to return to the big screen. Some problems anticipated with Peter Cushing. Producers are looking for a medieval castle equipped with an antique laboratory, situated in a major lightning area.

* US study claims that Facebook users become more prone to public disclosure and less protective of their privacy. An exclusive LeapsterSite study (sample group = 1) reveals that regular use of Facebook leads to you wishing people were less prone to public disclosure and were a great deal more protective of the duller parts of their privacy.

* Czech laboratory official who discovered the horsemeat in Swedish meatballs was quoted as saying: “I would still eat these meatballs, no problem.” Before acting on this advice, you’d prefer to know whether she was an embittered racetrack gambler or had just come off an extremely tight diet.

* And this just in: Elle McPherson set to marry billionaire. Also, get set for another hot day tomorrow with high humidity and a minor chance of rain.

* Have probably seen enough now of the standard-issue store spokesmodel/minor TV celeb form interview, where they inevitably try to sell themselves to the peanut gallery as “regular folks” by saying they love their “sneaky” one glass of wine. Firstly for them it’s probably one sneaky glass per year. Secondly all the folks I know stop at around one vat. Thirdly, these folks are “regular people” like the Queen of England goes bowling every Tuesday night.

* On a not-unrelated note, all these store-bought princess * types – models/shop-spokes-models/people on TV who look great but aren’t actually good at anything – are always in the media passing out advice on how to look great. I’ll just decode those tips for you now, and put them back into real people’s language.

Here’s how absolutely anyone can look great like them store-bought princesses:

(1) Have great genetics and/or an insanely favourable metabolism

(2) Live a lifestyle in which you have plenty of time and money and the main focus is in keeping you looking the same, for which you can pay any given amount of money, since you have it

(3) Never eat anything (you may watch a 10ml trickle of cold water run over a thin cucumber slice once per week, as long as you don’t inhale too deeply while watching)

(4) For motivation, have a job in which you get paid a lot for very little detectable in the way of work or talent, other than looking good, which you know you’d lose if you didn’t keep looking good

The End

* (Credit for this description to Kirstie Alley’s character in Cheers, describing Woody’s girlfriend in her bridal outfit)

 

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2 thoughts on “Fits and Starts #1

  1. I’m glad to hear Elle McPherson is finally going to get married.I wish both of them and their pre-nuptial agreement all the happiness in the world.Though it is disappointing to hear she’s only marrying some rich bastard who only has $1billion ,rather than someone being a multi-billionaire.Just goes to show,we all have to make concessions and live within our means in these tough economic times.

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