Fits and Starts #4

World media-dom’s leading source of scatterbrained gibberish. Since 2013.

*  Re negotiating an economic bail-out for Cyprus, EU Economic Affairs commissioner Olli Rehn commented:

“It’s been a Hard Day’s Night but not so much a Long and Winding Road.”

No official word on whether the status could potentially go “She Came in Through the Bathroom Window”. On conditions of anonymity, a Wall St source refused to rule out the possibility of the EU going completely “Octopus’s Garden”.

 

*  This just in: adding to phrases that should never be used by international reporters originating from New Zealand, “Tut-for-tet violence”.

 

*  Simon Crean says he missed a text from Kevin Rudd asking him to delay any moves on Julia Gillard’s Labor Party leadership. Another classic example of aged folks not getting how SMS works. Also, he might have seen the relevant part of the message had Rudd not prefaced it with a number of catty comments regarding certain members of One Direction.

 

*  Ellen DeGeneres has declared her love for Australia. Most of country snores on gratefully, having discarded now unnecessary sleep-disorder medication.

 

*  Regarding last week’s major cyber-attack on South Korean TV networks and banks, investigators in Seoul are reportedly concentrating their suspicions on North Korea. Top-line detectives from the same unit are also investigating a theory that if they turn the handle and open the door first, they can avoid smashing their nose into wood.

 

*  Headline today: “How Biggest Loser contestant got so fat”. With all due respect to journalistic expertise, that’s not news. Most of us can already work out how to get fat. A breakthrough news story would be, for hypothetical example: “How thick shake-prone behemoth became miraculously un-fat”.

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One thought on “Fits and Starts #4

  1. I see Ellen DeGeneres has declared her endearing love for Australia.Will be interesting to see what the wife has to say about this,maybe we’ll see a huge bitch fight in the palatial surrounds of their heavily taxpayer funded little jaunt.

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