Fits and Starts #8


The world media’s keynote source of blathering drivel. Since 2013.


*  Mainstream media questions whether Rihanna is an appropriate influence for her fans, after she openly celebrates “World Weed Day”. The reports omit to identify at which point exactly prior to this that she had ever been confused with being an ‘appropriate influence’, while professionally writhing around in her underwear for a living.

*  Today’s Nerf News lead in the shabbier side of Mediaville concerns a “56 year old spiritual medium” who has “visions and premonitions”, and is purportedly regularly “talks to dead people”. This last part doesn’t amaze me. What amazes me is that she isn’t doing it at the top of her lungs on public transport, unlike roughly 50% of the folks I run into on trams, trains and buses, although these folks are presumably limited to only dealing with the living in their epic-length bellowing matches.

In general when processing this kind of extremely technical specialist jargon, I find it helpful to translate “spiritual medium” as “flimflam artist” and “visions and premonitions” as “gin-related DTs.” In the particular case, based on nothing more than a strong hunch and the photo accompanying the non-story, I’d tend to think that the only magic the ghost-jockey concerned has ever conjured up was finding anyone in the media who bought that they were 56 years old.

*  Another probing media question for the ages today – “Is ‘The Voice’ taking advantage of its contestants?”  No, not at all. And next, we investigate the shocking exploitation of wet t-shirt competition contestants, who didn’t realise that hoses and water would be involved.

*  Congratulations to Manchester United on winning the top tier of English league football for the 20th time. Heartening to see one of the battlers get up for a change.

*  Sad news from the music world, as Richie Havens passed away at the age of 72. Havens was, of course, best known for not being Richie Valens.

* According to even more in the way of Nerf News today, “Good health is the key to good looks”. This has been described as terrible news for extremely homely people who had previously thought themselves to be in the best of health.

*  The Reese Witherspoon situation clarifies one important point. When they’re looking at the person you’re with for a DUI, asking “Do you know who I am?” doesn’t dispel any suspicions that alcohol may have been involved, especially since you’ve opened up the potential inference that you don’t know who you are.



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