Fits and Starts #9

The World Media’s preferred source of unfettered gibberish.

Since 2013.

*  Scientists announce lump of granite found in the ocean may be part of the lost continent of Atlantis, or, depending on how you read the gauge, an old tyre someone threw overboard. The AFL immediately announced plans for locating an expansion team in Atlantis.

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*  Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin has insisted that “We must colonise Mars”. Mr Aldrin was then given a cookie and a blanket and told to calm down or he’d miss out on ice-cream at dinner.

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*  Michael Buble is back with a new album, entitled “To Be Loved”. Buble came up with the album title himself after his management had polled most of the world’s population about his music, and then told Michael pretty much the exact opposite of what they all said.

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* Something observers have described as a ‘sea monster’ has been found on New Zealand beach. The decaying “find” had rudimentary fins and a gaping jaw with long sharp teeth. Based on this description and surviving footage, scientists believe it is possible they have discovered the remains of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon character, Jabberjaw.

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* And finally for today, a new song you can sing at home every time an appropriate news item comes up, which is fairly frequently these days.

Set to the tune of the durable popular song, “Won’t You Come Home Bill Bailey”, it goes, simply:

“John Singo won’t you please faaaark offffff?”

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