History – Like the Corners of our Heads

[No matter how soon we all fall in a screaming heap and die, we will always remember That Day in history, when American politics unforgettably and irrevocably changed forever, by supplying the material for a Beyond The News segment on the radio show, All Over The Shop. And also, there was a new president, or something.

I remember my trusty audio compadre Stainless Stew Farrell in the stewdio blanching and groaning and looking particularly dyspeptic throughout this one, undoubtedly assuming all the racial references were an attempt to convey the exact opposite of the intended effect – which was a reflection of the head-hammering one-note approach of how the media, particularly TV news channel coverage, presented the story in question.]

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BEYOND THE NEWS – US ELECTION SPECIAL

Dateline: 6th November, 2008

After one of the most traumatic periods ever in US politics where Americans were required to stretch their mental powers to the utmost and, following months of deliberation time, select one of two candidates , the United States woke up stunned this morning to find out they’d accidentally picked the black one. Expert analysts and regular citizens alike repeatedly commented “I could have sworn McCain was the black guy” as a new era was declared in the history of American politics, with the greatest use ever of the words “African-American president” in all news and entertainment media. In a gracious concession speech, Senator McCain urged all Americans, including the non-African-American ones, to get behind the new African-American president, adding that he had no regrets regarding the fiercely contested campaign, other than, in retrospect, and in the interests of clarity, perhaps he should have gone with the previously rejected slogan – “Vote McCain – Incidentally, he’s the white guy.”

Newly elected leader Barack Obama said he didn’t want to become known as “The African-American president”, he wanted to be known as “The African-American President for everybody”, while newspapers, radio and television sources unanimously commented that this was the sort of thing that made the United States great, because the former Senator Obama had become the first African-American US President, and would continue to be the African-American president, and the country had already proven it could survive up to one day with an African-American president. It is believed that, following the wild times of the past day, and the lengthy campaign leading up to it, that African-American President-Elect Obama will quietly relax with his African-American family today, eat an African-American prune breakfast with possibly an African-American bagel on the side, and then later head out for an African-American round of golf, and possibly pick up a quart of African-American milk on the way home.

In more important news closer to home, no Australians were injured in the election of the African-American president.

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