AND NEXT COMES THE JELLYROLL MORTON REVIVAL…
(Someone on the TwittskyVille twitted me that it was time to update the site. The simplest thing to do to put something new up was to dig something old up. Here’s the first of an occasional run of “highlights” from some of my newspaper stuff, as published in The Age sport section, over a fair while.
This was from a column called Leaping Larry’s Letterbox in which I cut out the middle-man and just made up letters from non-existent readers. Well, as you’ll notice, some of them existed, but they just didn’t write the letters I made up for them. It was kind of a satire of the week’s sport, constructed to look like a newspaper letters column. Since this time, all of the following have become obsolete: newspapers, letters, humour, Anthony Mundine, and the Leaping Larry’s Letterbox column.
These ones were all from the columns of 11th December, 2010, and 23rd October, 2010, in the reverse order of chronomolology.)
THE RIGHT TIME
Right now is not the time to laugh at Anthony Mundine. But five and two minutes ago were both good times, and the next couple of months are looking promising.
DANIEL J. TRAVANTI
Here’s a knock-knock joke that won’t be funny in 20 years time. “Knock knock. Who’s there? Anthony Mundine. Anthony Mundine who? Ah, you’ve forgotten already.” Well, technically it will still be funny in 20 years, except that everyone will have forgotten who he is within 15.
Anthony Mundine leaving boxing will be a fatal body blow to the sport. Kind of like how Bill Wyman’s departure destroyed the Rolling Stones as a viable touring business.
To summarise the gist of all media and public comment concerning the Australian test cricket team, for those who don’t have the time or inclination to follow this riveting and remarkably expansive debate, it goes pretty much like this: we need to sack everybody involved and replace them all with other people. If I might just add my own two cents’ worth, based on the aforementioned theory, I’d suggest that in future Cricket Australia could achieve better results and greater efficiency by installing the “other people” prior to any test series, thus saving the inconvenience of having to sack everybody else halfway through.
JUST MIGHT WORK
Qatar has just signed up Tiger Woods for a golf tournament there, and they got the 2022 World Cup last week. Finally I sense a key window of opportunity has opened up. If we sucker them in gently, step by step, giving them the Melbourne Cup, the Boxing Day test, the AFL grand final and the Australian Open, maybe we can slip the Australian formula one grand prix in there before they get their guard up.
(11th December 2010)
A photo caption this week stated, “Gai Waterhouse shares a joke with husband Robbie and a stable handler.” Although she appeared to be laughing in the picture, I harbour some doubts about this description. She’s wearing that facial expression in roughly 90% of all pictures published of her. If she’s making a joke each time she does this, she must have a more voluminous joke-book than the combined works of Bob Hope and Henny Youngman. For all we know, as the picture was taken, she’d just made a remark about the weather, or someone had just asked her whether her clothing ensemble was manufactured on Planet Earth. She had the exact same facial expression throughout most of her post-Caulfield Cup speech, and I don’t recall her making a joke in that. Although, if I had to be honest, I probably couldn’t have made heads or tails out of what she said in the elation of the moment then, even if it had been accompanied with subtitles.
RIGDON DEES III
Somehow I’m not convinced about the wisdom of a starting time of 5.35pm for a major race like the Cox Plate. For the average Joe who only ever watches the big races, if they turn on the coverage at 2pm, a combination of a few beers and the hypnotic effect of droning “expert comment”, and all those interview segments in which human budgerigars shriek about fashion ought to have them sound asleep and snoring all through the feature attraction. It’s also just a shade too early for people turning on looking for the news to catch the race accidentally. In terms of the most critical event-related criterion for non-hardcore racing fans at this time of year, it means that the backyard barbecue is effectively peaking too late for lunch and too early for dinner. It also allows the host broadcaster a big run-up for extended preamble, and as we all know by now, extended major race preamble is one of the deadliest weapons in the sporting arsenal, along with opening ceremonies, AFL grand final entertainment, and Anthony Mundine fight undercards. What was the problem with a start earlier in the afternoon? Did they think home viewers would be disappointed if people on the race-course didn’t look thoroughly stonkered, so they decided to give it an extra hour or so? I dunno, maybe I’m missing the point. Maybe next year they should hold it at 11.35pm, and really give everyone time to get down to the TAB.
(23rd Oct 2010)