AMAZING MUSIC FACTS *

 

(Originally written for radio station 3RRR-FM’s subscriber magazine, The Trip, way back in the hazy mythical yesteryear of 2013.)

.
THE TRUTH BEHIND THE TRUTH BEHIND THE MUSIC

by Leaping Larry L
Presented now, for the first time in the worldwide computer-net history of the interweb, some of the most remarkable music trivia ever assembled. Finally, completely, lavishly – unbounded by anything resembling facts, documentation or reality.

Here, at last, you will encounter Amazing Musical Facts, or what might also be termed Horse Hockey for the Ages. Ahem.

 

:: According to latest US government figures, one in two people will sleep with Courtney Love, whether they want to or not.

.
:: Many people know that Jimi Hendrix could play guitar with his teeth, In fact, he had also worked out a system for playing it with his left knacker, however neither he nor his management could ever figure out a way for him to do this on stage without getting arrested.

.
:: Kurt Cobain was a bread fanatic, and was well known for eating up to six slices of bread just before he went on stage. However, owing to a peculiar eating disorder, he would have to consume the underspread and topping for all six pieces separately later on, as he believed it would all spread itself out even in his stomach in the end. This became difficult to explain to passersby when he got into herring.

.
:: Due to personal and professional tensions, at one point, popular 60s and 70s duo Sonny & Cher were well advanced in negotiations to split and swap partners with famous mainstream entertainers Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme. However managements could never work out a viable billing order for “Cher’n’Eydie”, and in the conservative atmosphere of the times, it was agreed that “Sonny & Steve” sent all the wrong messages.

.
:: According to latest research figures, absolutely no-one knows what that Redfoo does for a living when he’s not on that idiot talent show.

.
:: Felix Pappalardi, producer of the band Cream, later formed his own hard rock three-piece group, Mountain. In 1983, Gail Collins, his songwriting partner on the Mountain material, shot him dead. Apparently she was more of a Cream fan.

.
:: According to recent scientific evidence as proven in motion pictures, Liberace was gay. Of course, many continue to find this ludicrously far-fetched.

.
:: Apart from being a pop star in the 1970s, Gary Glitter had many other interests. He was a keen croquet player, apiarist, model train enthusiast and expert consultant for movies featuring topiary; and also enjoyed underwater golf, Cheezels, sailboat restoration, the study of elephants as a means of transportation, giving semaphore classes in Turkish, acting out Andy Capp comic strips for the deaf, truffling, bandy, lute manufacture, meditation for frogs, cribbage and child molesting.

 

:: In 1984, Marvin Gaye was shot dead by his father. Apparently he was more of a Cream fan.

.
:: Although it has been widely reported that Black Sabbath guitarist and mainstay Tony Iommi was briefly in Jethro Tull, this is a long-standing error. He was briefly INTO Jethro Tull. Then he moved on to model trains.

.
:: Although it is well known that the composer Beethoven became deaf, it is a lesser known fact that his dog had no nose. People would regularly ask him, “Beethoven, how does your dog smell?” to which he would fail to respond at all.

.
:: Despite decades of study and interviews, there is still no clear evidence on who the “She” was who came in the bathroom window, in The Beatles song, “She Came in Through the Bathroom Window”. Historians admit the situation is hopelessly complicated by the fact that the song was written too long ago for the answer to be Courtney Love, which would otherwise be a blazing favourite.

.
:: Many music fans now don’t realise that Victoria Beckham was once known as a singer, particularly if they listen to the records.

.
:: Such as there is one, the consensus choice for “1st Ever Rock’n’Roll Record” is usually Rocket 88 by Jackie Brenston, from 1951. And if they had to put on there that it was actually Ike Turner and his band playing on that track, you’d have maybe three people in the entire world plumping for Rocket 88, and just about everybody else going “OK, f**k it, it was Bill Haley & the Comets with Rock Around the Clock.”

.
:: In response to Iron Maiden singer Bruce Dickinson becoming a qualified pilot, Def Leppard lead vocalist Joe Elliott became a fully trained passenger ship captain. However plans to have Def Leppard do a world tour film with Elliott captaining the tour vessel were abandoned after it was realised that what would normally be a one-year tour would last over ten years, not counting icebergs, mutinies, keelhauling, and searches for items lost on the Lido Deck.

.
:: According to US government figures, over 60% of items lost by citizens every year can generally be located in Steven Tyler’s mouth.

.
:: Eric Clapton once became bored during one of his solos and crossed the street to bet on a running double at a betting shop, missing narrowly when his horse in the sixth race was leading but elected to join a cult. Clapton returned to the hall holding the same note and segued into the Elmore James number which had a bass solo, because by then he was dying for a slash.

.
:: There’s probably some small irritating humanitarian reason why we can’t lock John Lydon and Billy Joel into the one small steel cage and see who can windbag the other one to death but right now, I’m darned if I can see the finer points of that argument.

.
:: According to United Nations projections, it is believed that, with the spirit of international peace and harmony in mind, all nations will soon get together and insist on Madonna wearing more clothes all the time.

——————————————-

* (Note: Amazing Music Facts may not be facts.)

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s