Bulletin Schmulletin #1

 

THUNK FOR THE DAY

If you carefully hone and adjust your lifestyle during the World Cup, assisted by work demands and timely interference from others who don’t “get” the World Cup, you can tweak it so the only times you sleep are during the matches.

 


 

ASSCLOWN OF THE DAY

I’m walking along pavement in shopping area, and go into newsagent’s which is on my right. Some hairy cloud of a skateboard riding guy who has come out of nowhere in terms of both sight and sound suddenly manifests himself right behind me, and has to temporarily stop, and although his reaction is not actually abusive, emits this kind of world-weary, annoyed bleat of “Mate” or something like that, because…actually I don’t know why because – maybe the disappointing lack of built-in turn signals on humans.

OK, problems here: idiot was right up my arse, which he shouldn’t be; is riding a skateboard on the pavement in a busy shopping area when he should be carrying it; is doing so at speed; and was well over 15 years of age and should not be on a skateboard; and has failed to realise that the skateboard is not a mode of transport so much as it is a toy for either children and younger teenagers (appropriate use) or older individuals (slack-jawed mouth-breathing dimwits with idiotic facial hair).

Note that there was no advantage or purpose to him being on a skateboard, as I am not a somewhat soft-headed cone-smoking individual of either the hetero female or gay male persuasion who was likely to swoon at the knees and fall into the sack with someone because they’re a dildo on a skateboard.

What was particularly irritating – although no fault of the human fungus lookalike concerned – was that, as I had already just stepped in to the shop, I couldn’t release the full tactical nuclear payload of abuse that instantly came to mind, as, realising I was being watched in some puzzlement and/or concern by two small ladies behind the counter, I could only emit the disjointed syllables “Idiot!” and “You…” over my shoulder before becoming aware that the social contract demanded I hold it right there lest I poison relations between Canberra and whichever Asian country the shopkeepers or their progenitors hailed from.

 


AND IN LOCAL NEWS/MEET THE NEIGHBOURS

In a council area which offers a good number of free hard rubbish collections per year for all blocks of flats/apartment buildings, the fiercely independent-minded residents still proudly insist on beautifying the neighbourhood by dumping mattresses, furniture and old televisions all over the footpath.

Incidentally, according to latest figures, of all old-style, bulky, CRT televisions ever owned in this country, over 350% of them have now been dumped on walkways and streets in my suburb alone.

————————Dick Wolf——————-

 

 

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