Bulletin Schmulletin #6

* There’s apparently a new documentary coming out about an unreleased Superman film from the late 90s, which was to star Nicholas Cage, be directed by Tim Burton, and entitled Superman Lives.

The doco which investigates the reasons for the film’s failure to appear, Your Worship, is called, The Death of Superman Lives: What Happened?

Meanwhile, if you’d like to get an idea what happened but want to spare yourself watching two hours or so of documentary, you could just go and look at the pictures of Nicky Cage in the outfit, because that ought to get the job done.

To me, the look certainly suggests that had the world been hanging out in the late 90s for an early 70s, shambolic, off-off-Broadway hippie musical combining Godspell, Superman, the Rocky Horror Show and any Mardi Gras that comes to mind, they were going to be ready with the movie version when this inexplicable frenzy of interest broke all around the world.

It also recalls the time when DC Comics announced a rebooted, hilarious and seemingly ice dancing-inspired look for Superman, curiously also in the 1990s. It was perhaps not entirely without sarcasm that Norm McDonald on Saturday Night Live summarised it simply, “Not gay enough.”

***

* Drumsticks have a new flavour entitled ‘Glamington’ which is, somehow, a Dame Edna Everage tie-in.

(Don’t ask me – what am I, everybody’s psychiatrist?)

Fittingly or otherwise, to my eyes when viewed in the supermarket freezer section earlier today the ice-cream depicted on the cover appeared to be unambiguously poo coloured.

Whether or not that seems conceptually apposite in some way, it is not quite as unappetising as the Sydney Morning Herald’s contention that the other new signature Drumstick is, and I quote, “Jimmy Barnes-flavoured”.

The mind boggles and the stomach follows so closely that a developed print couldn’t separate the pair.

***

* Went into a JB Hi-Fi earlier today and saw in the new release section a Tommy Emmanuel CD entitled, It’s Never Too Late.

It is unknown at this stage whether, at any point during the creative process consideration was given to calling the album, It Is Just So Incredibly Too Late There Are No Words To Say How Fucking Appallingly Late It In The Piece It Really Is.

***

* While employment qualification standards have slipped in line with just about any other standards except the general level of society-wide dickheadry, there is still some need for minimum baseline standards to exist.

For example, with regard to the release of toxic waste into a river in Colorado by EPA workers, it’s clear that the very minimum standards for working in that organisation should be the reading comprehension skills to understand what “EPA” stands for, so at least in future they know which side they’re on.

***

* I bought a new pair of cheap Velcro-fastening, flat, old person slippers today in Target. I pass on this information so that:

(a) national marketing groups know who is the last person in the country purchasing those;

(b) kids have time to arrange transportation and form an orderly mob to get autographs and tell me how cool I am.

***

* Heard some forthright comment concerning the Paul Cox movie which opened the film festival here 12 days ago, as some of the victims are apparently yet to regain consciousness, and others who escaped are resolute in their belief that the film may well still be going.

However the nature of the comment from certain quarters can perhaps be indicated by their naked admiration and envy towards a fellow cinema enthusiast on the night, who, having got a strong sense of how the wind was blowing ten minutes into the ordeal, took his entire group and left, went to dinner and didn’t return until the curtains were safely closed, the house lights were up, and it was time for the after-party drinks.
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